Unspoken Heartaches: Prequel to the Limits of Love Series Read online

  Unspoken

  Heartaches

  Introduction to the

  Limits of Love

  Series

  Jade Royal

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author's imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © by Jade Royal

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.

  CH. 1

  Shelly

  Funny, I couldn't tell you much about Birmingham, even though I’d lived here with my fiancé for three years. When we were back home, I didn't see any traces of the monster that he'd turn into once I was out of my family's sight. I was allowed to go to school and come home where I carried out my “duties”. He worked at a major security firm and that made my life hell.

  The first time Gary hit me, I realized that he meant business. It wasn't an apologetic slap, but more like a boxing match that led to me staying inside for weeks. He told me that I thought I was too pretty and I needed a reality check. Yeah, Gary was that kind of guy.

  At first, I fought. But the more I fought the more he tried to hurt me. I should have left that day. It was more than enough reason for me to walk away. Hearing the voices of friends and family telling me that I'd never make it on my own kept me from picking up the phone. I had to make this work. Ever since my first boyfriend dumped me without warning, and the man that I crushed on saw me as nothing more than a little sister, my self-esteem had dropped drastically. So, while it's not an excuse to stay with an abusive man, it felt better than being a disappointment.

  "You okay?" Howard asked, bringing me back into the present. His German accent was thicker than normal. I attributed it to his level of concern for me.

  I stopped gazing out the window of the plane to look at the man who had taken me under his wing as his little sister. He was great in that way. I’d been friends with his sister first. Howard was the kind of man that took in strays and made them blossom. Something about him made you want to be better.

  "Yes. Mostly thinking. Are you sure that you want me tagging along with you? I can just head home until you get back." As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them.

  My home had been destroyed two years ago, when my parents were killed in a car accident. Gary refused to give me money to come home, and since he monitored my calls, messages, and internet usage, I wasn't allowed to ask for money from others, either. Howard and his family had taken care of everything while I grieved for six months in silence. Gary told me that grieving wasn’t something he had time for. Then he gave me a reason to cry. After that, the beatings occurred daily.

  A month ago, I grew tired of living. I did as I was told, but I fought back when he decided to "correct my insolence". He now wore scratches and markings, too. I didn't care. I'd be better off dead.

  "Aren't you with me?" Howard said breaking into my thoughts. "I'd love the company. Besides, I need to keep you in my sights a while longer."

  I nodded. He'd seen every bruise, scratch, and scrape. I'd even showed him the healed injuries that I still felt every time I looked in the places that used to hurt.

  A week ago, Howard showed up at my apartment in big brother mode. He said that he didn’t deal well with half assed returned texts and he hadn’t seen me in far too long. He ignored the bruises on my face as if they were normal.

  Like a little girl who’d missed the warmth of her big brother, I fell into his arms and cried until the well dried up. When Gary came home, we were in the same spot. Gary asked me what I thought I was doing. I froze and tried to pull away, but Howard held me tightly.

  “Shelly, go inside and get everything you need. Leave anything that isn’t important,” Howard instructed.

  I knew there wasn’t much of anything that was of value inside, but there was something in his tone that told me to give him the alone time with Gary that he wanted. I wiped my face and never looked at Gary as I walked away.

  Howard is 6’4”, and every bit of a solid 220 lbs. His expression was always stern, but in the sexiest of ways. When I was younger it was hard to resist the swoon that wanted to take over every time that I saw him. The more that I was around him the more it became the norm. That didn’t take away from the way he seemed to intimidate a room.

  When Howard spoke, he meant business. People didn’t question him, they obeyed. It was his demeanor that set people into motion. Being in his presence either made you shrink away, fight, or become just as great. It’s one of the reasons I loved and respected him. The air around him crackled with power and purpose. He expected perfection and tried to give that back. Gary needed not to bait the lion that was Howard Baker. It wouldn’t end well for him.

  “Where in the hell do you think she’s going?” Gary shouted.

  “Home.” Howard seemed unfazed by Gary. I didn’t know if that was good or bad.

  “She is home,” Gary said between gritted teeth.

  “This piece of shit place will never be her home.” More of that calm demeanor of Howard’s.

  “How dare you come down here thinking that you can tell my wife what to do? She needs to stay here and take care of me,” Gary spat.

  “Married? Since when? Because when I checked her marital status before arriving, she was still as legally single as when you brought her here.”

  “You know, I knew back when we were in school you wanted Shelly. You coming all the way down here proves just how hard your boner has gotten for her. You just want to fuck her.”

  “Gary, what in the hell are you talking about?” Howard’s voice raised.

  “You’ve always had a thing for her, Howard.” Gary stated matter of fact.

  “Gary, you’re more delusional now than you were back then.” Howard shook his head and scoffed in disgust.

  “I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you an hour with her for the right price. I’ll let you do whatever you want. If you let me watch, I’ll give you two hours.”

  I froze in my packing. Neither man kept their voices low, so hearing them in this small apartment wasn’t difficult. I’d already put all of my photos and memorabilia in the bag. I grabbed my computer and reached underneath the bed to get the flash drive that I had taped to the bottom of the mattress. When Gary and I fought, he never flipped the bed so I figured it was the safest place to hide something from him. I stood and looked at the closet. The clothes I’d stuffed in my bag would have to do. I gazed around deciding that nothing else was important. I didn’t want to be here any longer than I needed to be. Apparently, my level of worth to Gary was at zero. No need to drag this out.

  His words hurt me more than I would have imagined. A part of me still hoped that he took the time to hurt me because he didn’t know any other way to love. Instead, I was probably something else that he needed to do. That thought sickened me and I knew without a doubt that Howard showing up today was a god send. I heard a loud thud and grabbed my bag, running into the living room.

  Gary was against the door flattened by Howard’s body, the collar of his shirt gripped in Howard’s fist. For the first time ever, I saw Howard in a different light. He looked dangerous. I had to wonder how much of him I didn’t know.

  Gary wasn’t much of a match for Howard. It puzzled me why he’d provoke him. Gary wasn’t a small man. He was six feet tall, but that was a few inches shorter than Howard. He also had the disadvantage of being at least fifty pounds lighter than his opponent. Appa
rently, his fighting skills ended with women because he wasn’t as tough now as when he fought me. He’s a techy that is angry about the fact that Howard came to save the day. No amount of armor or sour words from him could fix that.

  “Howard!” I shouted. I cared nothing about Gary. I just didn’t want Howard in trouble for his actions.

  “You think that this game of cat and mouse that you play with her is fun, right? Let me see you hit a man. You don’t deserve to be in her presence.”

  “You still think you’re Mr. Tough Guy, don’t you? Take your hands off me, punk!”

  Howard pulled him forward and then back hard against the door, reinforcing his hold on Gary. I put my hands up to my mouth hoping that Howard didn’t go ape shit.

  “I could destroy you right now and there is nothing you could do about it. See, unlike you, I know your weaknesses. That’s why I had lunch with your boss today.”

  Gary paled and looked at me.

  “She doesn’t know about it, but I do. Now, so does every important person at the security firm that you worked for.”

  I zoomed in on the past tense in “worked”.

  “You dirty motherfucker!” Gary yelled before he continued to fight Howard.

  Howard slammed him against the door again and hit him twice causing Gary to curl forward in pain before falling to the ground. I didn’t know if his severely reddened face was from pain, anger, or embarrassment. Good chance it was because of all three.

  “They don’t like it when people steal money from them,” Howard said before pushing Gary to the ground. “Some things never change. You were running that same scam back in Ohio. Shelly, let’s go.”

  Howard stepped back as if Gary being near his feet would soil his shoes. I moved into action and Gary grabbed at my ankle as I passed. I kicked him and kept moving. I never stopped until Howard ushered me into his car. He got into the driver’s seat and locked the doors. Gary came running down the walkway and Howard looked at me.

  “Any reason why I shouldn’t pull off?” He searched my face looking for regret. That same assessing look had been used on me as a teenager.

  Gary reached the car and Howard didn’t even look his way, unfazed by him. I needed to make sure that Howard knew I didn’t want to be here.

  “I’m ready to leave here for good.”

  He leaned forward and kissed my forehead while starting the car. I saw Gary draw back to hit the window and Howard set the car in motion. Gary hit the frame of the car instead. I looked back to see him holding his hand and moving about in great pain.

  “Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelly!” Gary shouted.

  I rolled down the window and threw his engagement ring out. No reason to hold on to that any more. It was time to move on to rebuild … ME.

  CH. 2

  Harrison

  The recruit beside me sniffed and I knew that it would end badly for him. He was softer than Ninety-five percent of the men here and I think all the yelling was getting to him. Hell, my throat was growing hoarse, but that didn’t stop the determination. I signed up to be one of the “few and the proud”. My reasons were simple. I needed to get away from the path that I was on. I saw it ending badly. Between the women, my daredevil nature, and being unable to find myself, I felt lost. The structure of the Marine’s was the strictest around. If I couldn’t find myself here, I was doomed.

  “Recruit, are you crying? Are. You. Crying!?!” The drill instructor was so close to the guys face that I’m sure he could identify what he ate for breakfast.

  “No, sir!” His voice held strong, but his face was moments from caving.

  “What?!”

  “No, sir!”

  “You thought this was going to be easy, didn’t you?!”

  “No, sir!”

  “What?!”

  “No, sir!”

  I watched as they continued going through our belongings. They checked everything to make sure that we’d followed orders. I blinked. I hated taking orders from others and it would be the true test for me. The physical stuff was easy in comparison. I understood what the military’s goal was. It was to break you down to nothing and rebuild you to be a soldier. The strict guidelines were to keep you safe. It didn’t mean it was an easy pill to swallow. I chose this and I was determined to be damned good at it too, just like my father had been.

  ***

  I stood in line to make my first phone call and grew anxious. I was calling my mother to let her know that I was safe. It would be easier to call Howard or Hollie since they’d hold it together at least while I was on the phone. I chose Mama. It would be weeks before I could talk to her again. The letters weren’t enough. She needed to hear from me that I was okay. I needed to hear her voice to keep me going.

  “Hello,” she inquired.

  I took a moment to savor her voice. Once I began speaking, it’d be robotic and I’d have less than thirty seconds to read the prewritten speech. None of it was from the heart. It was need to know information. I’m safe. I’d contact her in a few weeks and that would be by mail. And there was a fucker yelling “Yes, sir” in my ear. There was nothing loving about this call.

  “Hello?” She asked again.

  I spoke the words but felt nothing. The script was detached and offered no consolation to her. In the middle of my recitation, Mama started to speak, too.

  “I love you and you’ll be just fine, baby.” I heard the tears in her voice but she said just what I needed to hear. She believed in me and I would make her proud.

  I never faltered from my lines but I knew when I hung up the phone that I’d made the right decision by calling her. The next few weeks would be hell, but I had a family and a nation to protect. I took my place in line and waited for the next step in this journey.

  ***

  I went down my list to see who I’d write today. Mama made sure to send me everyone’s address. I scrolled down to see Shelly’s name. There was a chance during my tour that I may not return home. That meant that she’d never know the feelings that still nagged me. I still wanted her, but it was too late. So much had changed. I needed to let her go. I decided that a letter was well deserved. It’d help both of us.

  Shelly,

  I thought growing up with one sister was tough. I never thought that I’d inherit another. Dealing with the two of you kept me on my toes, especially when it came to keeping the boys away.

  That summer you spent at your grandparents’ house was rough. I was so used to looking after the two of you that when it was only Hollie, it became too easy. I missed you and the challenge you provided.

  When you came back, I hardly recognized you. You’d changed so much. Instead of the messy hair and big clothes, you wore things that flattered your body. As much as I tried not to, I noticed. Those gray eyes of yours haunted my dreams, pulling me further under your spell. They still do.

  For years, I tried to ignore you but my desires for you only grew. I tried a number of ways to purge you from my system and those moments lead to this one. This moment where I profess how much you mean to me.

  I always hoped that we could find a way back to one another, but I understand that you are either married or engaged. That means that the window of opportunity for us has expired, though it hasn’t changed my feelings.

  I love you and, though I don’t want to, I know I should let you go. I hope that things work out for you and that you finally get your happy ever after that you always dreamed of.

  Forever yours,

  Harrison

  I stood and headed to the bathroom. Alone for once, I took a moment to look over the words on the paper in my hand. I balled up the paper tightly and flushed the toilet waiting for the perfect moment to drop the wadded ball. No one, including Shelly could know how I felt. Once I left here, my feelings for Shelly needed to disappear. It was a weakness that would keep me in the past when I needed to be focused on the future. This was the end of the road and it was time to let go.

  CH. 3

  Shell
y

  It’s been six months since Howard freed me from my daily terrors. I was bored at first, sitting in hotels and watching television. It gave me time to observe, though. The first thing that I noticed is that while Howard is as organized as he can be. He has a lot on his plate, and not enough hands to utilize.

  After he missed an important meeting, I went about setting things up for him. Alerts, his calendar, ordering lunch when he was stationary, making sure coffee and dinner were ready. Eventually, I moved on to making sure he had the paper work he needed to carry out his day.

  I attended my classes online to finish my degree. Ironically, Gary and I were both computer geeks. I initially learned how to hack because of him. I’d gotten much better than he was, which caused more issues between us. Figures that I was too good at it to walk away, so I didn’t.

  Howard and I had been back and forth to Cincinnati, but a lot of our time was spent in Columbus where he was expanding his restaurant chain. Howard insisted on being present for the majority of it. It was his baby so I understood. Most of my time was spent focusing on school and keeping his agenda in order, which I balanced well.

  ***

  Spending so much time with Howard was making me miss Harrison. I hadn’t seen him since being back in Cincinnati, but that didn’t persuade my mind to let go of the lustful thoughts I had of him. I’d reconnected with Howard and Harrison’s sister Hollie, along with another great friend, Cami. Harrison was MIA mostly, but I didn’t know the reason why. I knew that Howard spoke to him regularly and I’d heard his voice when they conversed on speaker. Howard always stopped what he was doing to take Harrison’s calls. It was as if those moments were his favorites. I always took a second to listen to the brotherly banter and it was a perk to hear Harrison’s voice.

  The deep baritone was warm enough to start a fire even when he wasn’t around. At night, I tossed and turned with thoughts of him making love to me. I wanted him to do unfathomable things to me. In my dreams, I called him Daddy, which scared me because I hadn’t called anyone that for years.