Unspoken Heartaches: Prequel to the Limits of Love Series Read online

  Harrison had no idea that I had the biggest crush on him. To him, I was a little sister that needed protection. Harrison was so dedicated to protecting me as a sister, that I’d given up hope of him ever seeing me in a different light. That didn’t mean that I’d given up my own desires, but I knew that we’d never be on the same accord. It was best that I kept my fantasies to myself to make sure that I saved myself any further pain.

  I fell asleep with Harrison on my mind and for once, I let him take control. My core craved him so badly that my skin pulsed with need. He rained kisses all over my body igniting flames in his path. Wanting to be penetrated almost immediately, I grabbed at him, but he forced my arms to my sides. I whined, needing more of him everywhere.

  “Shelly …”

  His voice was thickly accented with German, sexy and rough, causing me to shiver. I loved his voice. I don’t know if it was because of my sleep fogged mind, but his voice was slightly different. I lifted my head and nibbled his ear. He groaned and I knew that he’d take me soon. He was too aroused not to.

  “Shelly!”

  I opened my eyes to see Harrison’s … no … I blinked until the fog cleared. I cringed as I realized that it wasn’t Harrison but Howard on top of me. He held down my hands and terror kept me frozen in place.

  “Thank fuck!” Howard cursed. He let go of me and then pulled back. He exhaled, stood, and then paced.

  Not sure about what had just happened, I pulled the blanket up over me and waited for him to say something. Knowing that he’d never hurt me, I breathed. I sat up and leaned against the headboard trying to collect my thoughts.

  “God, please stop looking at me that way,” Howard shouted.

  I flinched.

  Howard sighed. “I’ll be back. Don’t. Move.”

  I nodded but he was out of the room before he could see it. My body still throbbed. I needed sex and I needed it now. I looked toward the drawer that held my vibrator, but I wasn’t sure if I could get off before Howard came back. There were so many other things that I should have been thinking about, but my judgement was skewed by the intense need for sexual gratification. Arousal pounded in my ears.

  “Listen, I thought that you were having a nightmare. You were clawing at yourself and …”

  “I wasn’t interested in hearing what he had to say and I cut him off before he was finished speaking. Get out.”

  “Shelly, it’s not what you think.” Howard looked disgruntled.

  “Get. Out!” I shouted at him.

  “Shelly …” he pleaded.

  “Howard, if you don’t leave this room you’ll see more of me than you want to. Get the fuck out!”

  It was Howard’s turn to flinch. I threw my pillows at him until he exited the room and slammed the door behind him. I reached for my vibrator and turned it on. To repeat Howard’s words, “Thank, fuck!” It took me less than five minutes to achieve orgasm.

  I turned it on high and inserted it inside of me. The in and out movements while I gripped the slippery vibe with my muscles did me in. I couldn’t stop after one. I came so many times that they began to hurt and that felt good, too.

  Sometime later, I turned off the vibrator and sunk into the mattress. With no pillows, I lay on my arms and faded into a deep slumber.

  In the morning, every muscle in my body ached from the forced orgasms. It was a delicious ache that inspired breakfast. Scrambled eggs had to be a remedy. I put on my bathrobe and padded out to the main area of the suite we were staying in. Howard was sitting on the couch checking his email. His black button down shirt and slacks were a yummy combination against his dark chocolate coloring, but the tie that he wore was all wrong. I derailed to his room and looked for a more suitable color. His silver and gray one would give him the edge he needed today.

  When I got back to the common area, he was letting room service in. He directed them to the table and I moved toward him, reaching up to pull his tie loose. He frowned at me but I ignored him. I switched the ties and knotted the new one for him. He looked at his reflection in the mirror behind us and nodded in approval. I kissed the side of his cheek and headed for food.

  “Listen Shelly, we should talk about last night,” he began.

  “Why? You said all I needed to hear.”

  I’d been having a nightmare. Somehow, that fear transformed into hot, imaginary sex with his brother. I knew that Howard would never take advantage of me. I could only imagine what he’d thought when I’d humped him.

  “That doesn’t mean that we don’t need to discuss it.” His brows were unhappy about something.

  “Yes, sir?” I sat and watched him.

  Howard shook his head and sat across from me. “Stop that.”

  “What would you like me to say? I’m sorry that I tried to fight you. I know that my nightmare is what caused you to come in after me.”

  “And the rest of that?”

  “I was dreaming of someone else. I know that you aren’t affected by me in that way. It’s just been a while for me.”

  “You became aroused when I held you down. Does that have anything to do with, him?”

  I giggled. Gary was always referred to as “him”.

  “No, Howard. I enjoy being dominated by my sexual partners.”

  “Okay.” He sipped a glass of grapefruit juice. He had a thinking face that always let me know he was choosing his words carefully. “Maybe you should get out and meet some people.” “Me? No. I … I couldn’t do that. Besides, who would want to be bothered with all the weight I’ve gained? You keep feeding me and it’s making me fat!”

  Howard raised his eyebrow and looked me over. For the first time, I felt heat between us. It wasn’t an all-out inferno, but he was definitely admiring what he saw.

  “Trust me, not all men like slender women. Your curves are alluring and they should be worshipped not complained about.”

  I felt the blush start at my toes and spread over my body. “Howard.”

  “Shelly, I’m not immune to you. I just know that I could never be what you need. I love you like a sister and that will never change. But you are a woman and I’ll leave it at that.”

  I chuckled and nodded. His words made me respect him even more. He wasn’t coming on to me even though he could. No matter how smooth the facts sounded, he would never act on them. My heart swelled even more. I wish he was the Baker man that I wanted. Truth was that his brother was “The One”.

  “Thank you, Howard. That means a lot.”

  Howard winked at me and we ate breakfast while discussing his day.

  That weekend, Howard had a friend visit. He arrived at the hotel room before Howard did, and something about his presence changed my life. I stared at him for a bit before I let him in. He was a little taller than me, but he seemed to command the room. I fidgeted, hoping that my interest in him wasn’t obvious.

  “Did Howard say how long he would be?” he asked.

  “I’m sorry, what did you say your name was again?” I inquired.

  “Jamar. He didn’t tell you that I was coming?”

  “He did, but he called you ‘J’.”

  Jamar smiled and his dimples took the edge off him. “Yes. That’s me.”

  “Where are you guys going anyway?” I led him to the couch where we both sat.

  “Out to a local fetish club. I was passing through, so we decided to make a night of it. Why don’t you come with us?”

  “Um … Howard would never let that happen. Besides, I have a bunch of homework to do.”

  “How old are you?” He asked.

  “That’s rude!” I responded. “You shouldn’t ask a woman her age.”

  “Well, seeing that you’re walking around in pigtails and a comic tee, I wanted to make sure that you’re legal.”

  He pulled the ponytail closest to him playfully and the stirring of something started in my groin.

  “You liked that, huh?” he asked.

  Speechless, I tried to think of something clever to say.

>   “Your eyes will give you away every time. Not to mention that your breathing is heavier. Which did you like better, the ponytail pull or the fact that I complimented your youth?”

  I swallowed. “You didn’t compliment me.”

  “That’s where you’re mistaken. I always compliment beautiful women.”

  I blushed. I knew it was pretty intense because he smiled at me as if he knew something that I didn’t. I didn’t like not being in on the joke, and just like that, my inner brat pushed to the surface.

  “I don’t think Howard would appreciate his friend gawking at me. Maybe you should wait outside where you can tell as many women as you please how beautiful they are.”

  I stood and headed to the door. Just before I reached it, a hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me backward into solid man. Damn if that didn’t make me melt.

  “Let. Me. Go.” I hissed.

  “As soon as I set the record straight.”

  Jamar leaned down to my ear and the light air from his mouth almost elicited a moan of pleasure. I held back, but my body responded by leaning further into him.

  “What record?” It was supposed to come out feisty and annoyed yet it was breathless and seductive.

  “I don’t just tell any woman that she’s beautiful, especially bratty ones that need a firm spanking. I’ll be more than happy to rectify that for you when you’re ready.” Jamar pulled away and I instantly regretted the loss of him. Either I was becoming easy because of the lack of sex, or I was desperate for love. I took a moment to regain my composure. Jamar was sitting on the couch thumbing through his phone not paying me a bit of attention. That infuriated me beyond words. I was a mess and he was composed. I stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door. I heard him chuckle in response and that only added fuel to the fire. He knew how much I was affected and there was nothing I could do about it. I lay on the bed, impatiently waiting for Howard to arrive and for the two of them to leave.

  I dozed off, but my stomach, demanding food, roared angrily and was the stimulant to my awakening. I groaned at having to move. I was comfy and moving was the last thing I wanted to do. I closed my eyes thinking that I could just wait until morning. A cramp echoed throughout my belly and I threw the sheets off, exhausted. It was late and Howard slept like a log, so I forewent my robe.

  I made it to the kitchen where I spotted the lasagna I’d made yesterday in the fridge. I sat it down and bent low to retrieve salad fixings.

  “Well, there’s a sight you don’t see every day.”

  I jumped and turned to see Jamar standing in the doorway in only his boxers. I held the container of lettuce to my chest as I tried to pull my heart from my throat. I still wore my t-shirt from earlier, but I’d left my sweats in the room sporting only my boy-shorts. While standing, I was decent enough. Bending over was a completely different story.

  “Do you make a habit of scaring girls in the middle of the night?”

  “No. I came to see what you were making. I’m starving and hoped that you’d share.”

  I nodded. He seemed innocent enough, though his body was a walking weapon ready to kill sleeping libidos everywhere.

  “Sit and I’ll make you something to eat. Do you like lasagna?”

  “Do I? It’s one of my favorites.”

  “Good.”

  Jamar sat down and watched me as I prepared food for the two of us including garlic bread. When his plate was fixed, he waited for me to make mine and join him at the table before he took his first bite. He moaned and I blushed.

  “You like it?”

  “Hell, yes!”

  “It’s a little heavy on the cheese because that’s how Howard likes it.”

  “Me, too. It’s perfect.”

  We ate in silence enjoying the presence of one another. It was nice to eat with someone other than Howard. It wasn’t that he was horrible company. He just wasn’t this delicious man that I was sitting with tonight. Jamar’s chest was broad and gave me all kinds of wicked thoughts. I’d followed the trail down to his waist several times while he leaned on the wall watching me cook. There was something about a man’s hips and the ridges of muscle that lead to his groin. It made my mouth water and Jamar wasn’t the exception to the rule.

  Jamar washed the dishes afterward while I leaned on the counter and talked to him about casual things. When he was done, I threw him a hand towel to dry his hands on. He walked over putting one hand on both sides of me, resting on the counter. Nervous, I looked downward. He had to be about three inches taller than my 5’10” frame, but it seemed like so much more right now.

  “Yes, Jamar?”

  “Is it okay if I kiss the chef to show my appreciation? I promise to keep my hands where they are.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “On the cheek then?”

  I wanted more than that, but I couldn’t trust myself. I refused to deny myself fully, though. I exhaled slowly. “One kiss?”

  His face inched closer to mine and my breathing hitched.

  “One kiss, baby girl.”

  I was helpless to deny him anything when he said it that way. Baby girl was a weakness that I’d tried to let go of, but failed. It stirred something in me every time I heard it. I nodded and bit the side of my lip before he took them into his. I leaned up to deepen it and he met the demand with one of his own. My breasts were against his chest making my nipples pebble tighter. His kiss was rough yet calculated. He took my mouth with the determination to make me surrender to his will. He gave me as much air as he wanted me to have, making me grow weak beneath his ministrations. I wrapped my arms around his head pulling him closer, needing more. His hands remained on the counter, yet he controlled my body with his. I sagged against him and he broke the kiss first leaving me breathless and wanting more. Had I done something wrong?

  “Thank you for dinner,” he said as he backed away from me.

  “You’re welcome,” I whispered. I whined, begging him not to leave me this way.

  He smiled before he disappeared out of the room. I sighed in contentment. What’d just happened? My lips tingled from the abuse his mouth had given them. I reached up and touched them with my fingers. I went back to bed, but lay awake thinking about none other than Jamar. For the first time in a while, I felt like the old Shelly was returning and I liked it. There were no thoughts of Harrison, only the aftereffects of the frenzy Jamar left in his departure.

  CH. 4

  Shelly

  Jamar visited every weekend and things progressed gradually. I continued to cook his favorite meals for him, but he never took things further than a few toe-curling kisses. We got to know a little about one another, including the fact that he’s a Dominant. I knew a little bit of the lifestyle that he lived because Howard is one as well. All that meant to me was that they were kinky men that exercised their authority sexually. Jamar was teaching me that what I knew was only the tip of the iceberg.

  He gave me tasks to complete. Initially, I didn’t see the point of them. Then I realized that I liked the way he exercised control over me. I also didn’t realize that with each task he gained more influence over me. My first big assignment was to go to the spa. He’d already organized my day there. Manicure, pedicure, salt scrub, hair shampooing, highlights, a trim, and they even styled my curls.

  By the time I left, I felt new. I’d never been pampered by a man before and it was liberating. I felt cared for in a different way than I ever had been. He’d sent me a dress to wear home and it was beyond sexy. Not sleazy, sexy. Sophisticated. The black dress fit like a second skin. Soft ruched material gathered all over. There was a tie that went across my stomach accenting my breasts. The strapless number left my shoulders bare and feeling exposed.

  I fidgeted the entire time I stood in the dressing room of the spa. There was no way that I was wearing this back to the hotel. I’d have to get to the car and then inside the lobby without anyone seeing me. That was impossible. I stomped my feet in a fit. The more I stared
at my curves in the mirror, the more uncomfortable I felt. I usually fluctuated around a size fourteen, but I’d gotten so comfortable in sweats and eating crazy meals with Howard that I’d gained weight. My legs seem to go on forever bringing attention to my hips. I took a deep breath, but it did little to calm my nerves. I looked over at the red shoes that I was supposed to wear. I knew I could walk in them, but the bright color would only draw more attention to me than I wanted. I sighed and picked up my cell phone. It was time to call Jamar.

  “Hello.”

  “I can’t do this,” I blurted.

  Jamar groaned. “You can’t do what, exactly?”

  “This! What made you think this dress would work? It’s tight and clingy. I can’t wear this!”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Can’t!”

  “Baby girl, is it too snug?” His voice was calm which irritated me more.

  “Yes—no. I don’t know,” I moaned. “I can’t do this.”

  “Baby, breathe.”

  “I am breathing!” I pouted.

  “Keep it up and tonight will be the night where I cash in all those spankings you’ve earned.”

  I whined. Normally, I’d be a puddle of readiness, but I couldn’t move past what I was seeing.

  “I tell you what. Let’s walk through it together.” I heard movement before he spoke again. “Where is it too tight?”

  I moved about and realized that while the dress fit, it moved with me not against me.

  “It’s not.”

  “What parts of the dress are uncomfortable?”

  Again, I searched for the physical discomforts and found none. “It’s not uncomfortable.”

  “Then what is the problem?” he asked.

  I sighed. “It’s not flattering.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you can see all of my curves. It’s not … good to look at.”

  “For you or for me?”

  I sighed. This was one of those tests of his that I hated. I always lost this battle. He hated being told what to do. Taking away his option to see for himself fit into that category. I sighed again wondering if I could brave it for the next hour for him.