Unspoken Heartaches: Prequel to the Limits of Love Series Read online

  “Can’t I just take my picture now and put on my regular clothes?”

  “No. I’ll be waiting for your call, Shelly. You’ll do this for me because I asked it of you. Unless you have something in particular you want to tell me.”

  By ‘in particular’ he meant my safe word. I shook my head forgetting he couldn’t see me. “No, sir.”

  “Good. Hang up the phone.”

  “I’ll talk to you soon.” I hung up the phone and stared at my reflection.

  I tried to see myself as he did, but I couldn’t. It’s not as if I was indecent. I was just not used to the clothing. No matter how hard I tried to find myself attractive, I couldn’t see it. I saw the woman that managed to find an abusive boyfriend. The woman who couldn’t get the man that she truly desired to notice her. Men ran from me, or abused me, or they suffered through my presence. There was nothing sexy about that. I put on my shoes and gathered the packages. It was time to get this over with.

  After putting the boxes back into the bags, I walked out and searched for the exit. I was feeling defeated and the high that I’d ridden after my afternoon of pampering was deflated. I just wanted to go home and change into my sweats.

  “Wow. You look amazing!” The woman standing in the parlor exclaimed.

  I froze and turned toward her. I smiled nervously. “Thank you. My … boyfriend picked it out for me, but I’m not so sure it was the wisest decision.”

  “Why not? You look incredible. It really shows off your physique. It’s sexy. Where are you guys headed tonight?”

  Embarrassed that I was only headed home, I stretched the truth a bit. “It’s a surprise, I guess.”

  “Make sure you thank him properly. You really do look amazing.” Her compliments were reassuring and felt good to hear.

  “Thank you,” I said genuinely.

  I made my way to the exit and along the way I received several more compliments. By the time I’d made it to the car, I’d seen several men admiring me as I walked. It made me nervous so I continued my quick pace.

  When I got to the hotel, I walked in to see Jamar sitting on the couch. I paused, hoping that I wasn’t in trouble. He was supposed to be at home, not sitting in my living room. As delicious as he looked, it didn’t really matter. He sported a red collared shirt and black slacks that hugged his muscled thighs just right. The strength that he held in his body couldn’t be denied. The anger and resentment I felt toward him melted away leaving behind a raw, lustful hunger in its place.

  “You look even better than I thought you would,” he said as he stood.

  I don’t know what kind of woman could resist a compliment like that, but I wasn’t her. I walked towards him and he pulled me into his arms, taking my mouth immediately. This is what kept me walking the path with him. He made me feel wanted in the best of ways. His kisses sealed the deal making me desperate for more of his affections. I leaned into him, wanting him to take me immediately. The panty wetting kisses weren’t enough. I needed him inside me.

  I heard a throat being cleared and I pulled away, startled. Howard stood with his arms folded watching the two of us. He lifted his head higher and I lowered mine. Embarrassment was becoming a constant today.

  “Where are you two kids off to tonight?”

  “Dinner and a show,” Jamar responded.

  “Sounds good.” Howard came over to me and lifted my chin. “You okay?”

  I nodded but I was lying. My body throbbed in arousal. I wanted Jamar and was tired of being denied. There was nothing that Howard could do about that, though. “I am.”

  “Good. Jamar knows that I’ll kill him if anything happens to you. I hope you have fun tonight. You deserve it.”

  I smiled at him and he kissed my forehead. “You look amazing, love blossom.”

  “Thank you, Howard.”

  He nodded and then walked out of the room. The big brother had spoken.

  “Ready?”

  More confident than I’d felt all day, I responded, “Yes. I am.”

  ***

  We walked into his home and I was amazed at the size of it. I wasn’t surprised when he explained that it used to be a multi-family unit. Dinner had been delicious and he’d told me he’d wanted to show me something. We’d driven the extra forty-five minutes to his house so that he could. We walked into an open space and for the first time, I wondered exactly what he planned to show me.

  “Strip.”

  I followed his instruction with little resistance. I wanted him and I wasn’t ashamed of it. As time went on from that initial night, I knew Jamar could be trusted. His kisses weren’t enough anymore. It was time for more.

  He pushed a mirror over in front of me and I looked away immediately. I wanted to cover myself but I knew that he’d get upset if I did. I’d never been a size two and the weight I’d gained while living with Howard didn’t make it any easier to like my body.

  It was on this night that I learned what a “proper” scene was. I knew that scenes were merely episodes of play, but I’d never had one negotiated. The few times I’d played, I was to comply with the unknown terms. Inexperienced, I didn’t ask questions. We didn’t discuss things and that was never good. It put me in a place of not knowing the expectations or the conditions I played under. Not safe. Not sane. Therefore … not consensual. According to Jamar, Safe, Sane, and Consensual were the golden rules, and the only way to play. I’d defied them unintentionally. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.

  Jamar negotiated the terms of our play with me as he touched and caressed me. It could have been looked at as bribery, but he didn’t let the sensations cloud my judgement. He said that before anything serious started, he’d make sure that I understood the terms. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I trusted him to keep his word.

  Jamar stood behind me, bringing my body more and more under his spell. His mouth nibbled along my neck. The hairs of his goatee created a tingly contrast to his soft lips as they grazed my skin. His arms wrapped around my body while his hands caressed my thighs and abdomen. I was encased in one hundred percent pure masculinity. He made me feel feminine and sexy. As much as I fought it, the mirror still caught my attention. Watching us this way was hard to resist.

  Jamar was so into what he was doing that the mirror didn’t exist to him. The entire region from my ear to my shoulder was kissed and sucked. I was melting at a slow and steady pace that only he controlled. He hadn’t touched any of the good bits yet and I didn’t know if I would be able to handle it when he did.

  “Now that you understand, you’ll explain it to me. What’s going to happen here tonight?” Jamar asked.

  I whined. It was too much. I just wanted him to get on with it already. Enough talking.

  “You are Master J. I’ll answer you by saying ‘Yes, sir’. You’re going to …” I gasped when his hand cupped my cunt. Yeeeeeeees!

  “I’m going to do what, baby girl?” He said the words right into my ear and I shivered hard.

  I lost hold of my reality floating on the freedom that the one endearment offered. How did he know? The fog crept in and made the room seem to move in slow motion. I could barely make out anything that he said. The safety that I felt in the moment was too good to let go. My head rolled backward on to his shoulder and my eyes closed.

  “Shelly …”

  “Yeeees, siiiir.” The words seemed so heavy against my tongue. I hadn’t been allowed to drink at dinner, but I definitely felt intoxicated.

  “What am I going to do to you?” He pushed.

  “Fuck away … my fears, one stroke at a time.”

  His fingers dipped between my vaginal lips and massaged my slit. My hips bucked in response and I pleaded for more.

  “Not yet, you have more to tell me.” His voice was deep and rough. It stirred more lust inside me to the rhythm of his sweeping fingers. “What else am I doing to you?”

  “You want me tethered and weeping in relief,” I moaned.

  “Yes, and I didn’t mean just those beautif
ul eyes of yours.”

  His fingers were coated with my desire for him. They dripped onto my thighs and I wasn’t ashamed. He’d turned me into a fountain of need for his pleasure. His fingers slid inside of me easily and he groaned at the tightness he found inside.

  “Good girl. It’s been awhile for you. Don’t worry. You’ll fit nicely around me.”

  I moved my hands along his waist searching for his belt. I wanted him inside me now. Talking was too much work, I needed him to act. I moved my hips against his, feeling his thickness along the crease on my ass. I needed him.

  “Looking for something?”

  “Please, sir,” I begged.

  “On your knees.”

  I nodded and slid down his body using him for leverage. My body was still too much to handle on my own so I used him as support. Once on the floor, I looked up waiting for his next command.

  “So beautiful. You don’t even realize how sexy you are.”

  Jamar took off his shirt first. His body was solid and I watched the muscles in his chest flex as he threw his shirt somewhere behind me. He removed his shoes and socks before undoing his belt buckle and giving me a glimpse at the solution to my problem. He removed his pants and briefs in one swoop and stood in all his glory to look at me. My mouth watered as I took in the sight of him. My eyes caressed him from head to toe and everything in between. For the first time, I wondered if I’d bitten off more than I could chew. There was a lot of masculinity looking back at me and that was even before I looked at his aching cock. His hands disappeared into my hair and I relaxed into the grasping touches.

  “Open your mouth, little girl.”

  I closed my eyes and opened my mouth but nothing happened. I looked up into Jamar’s brown eyes seeing the impatience that was apparent.

  “Look at me, Shelly.”

  I nodded realizing the error. “Yes.”

  He guided my head to his shaft and I licked it once it was near. “Good girl.” He whispered.

  I wet him with my tongue before he entered my mouth. I licked around his girth until there was so much of him inside my mouth I could only massage the bottom of him. He withdrew and then slid back inside. His hands controlled my head as his hips controlled my mouth. Out of the corner of my eye I could see exactly what I was doing. I paused and took in the sight boldly. Eyes that were usually bright and gray appeared to be smoky with seduction.

  “Fucking beautiful, isn’t it?”

  The contrast of my reddened skin against his chocolate coloring was indeed beautiful. It was one of the reasons why I was drawn to black men. I loved the differences in our skin and how it defied the “norm”. Black and white was the exception of the rule. They weren’t colors, but shades of light. They illuminated each other, basking in the depths of their flaws until they became polar opposites. It was beautiful.

  I lifted higher and took him back into my mouth. My efforts were now energized by the beauty in us and how much I wanted to please him. He’d made tonight so special for me and I wanted to give him something just for him. The power that radiated through me was the side effect of giving up control to him.

  He flexed his hips and used my mouth as his sanctuary. Moving in and out of it as he needed. I relaxed my mouth letting him in as deeply as possible. His groans and moans became grunts and moments of swearing fits. He pushed the confines of my throat and I gagged.

  “Breathe through your nose, baby,” he coached.

  I did, and the next time he invaded the same space, I swallowed him. His movements changed and I knew he was close. He withdrew and kept his strokes short and shallow. He eased from my mouth and the tingling that was short circuiting my thoughts was all I felt. I sat there for I don’t know how long, looking at the floor and trying to focus on something, anything. My hands were pulled in front of me but still I couldn’t concentrate. I closed my eyes and I gave in to the pull.

  ***

  Soft touches to my face made me yearn for more. I opened my eyes, but I wasn’t expecting the light. I fought a few more times before my sight won. The light wasn’t as bright as I thought. It was just more than the darkness I’d surrounded myself to.

  My hands were tied in front of me in the most intricate design. Jamar was sitting in front of me and I knew he was the reason. My mind was still sluggish but I felt safer than I had in a while. Jamar helped me to my feet and held me against him.

  “Think you can handle more?” He asked.

  “Yes, sir,” I croaked.

  “Shelly, I know you want to please me, but I need to know that you are listening to your body, not your desires. Can you handle more?”

  I’d never felt this good and I wanted more. My body was on board with that. I was fine. “Yes, sir.”

  He lifted my arms above my head and onto a hook. I pulled down on it but it held fast and steady. More rope was used around each of my thighs and legs. The ropes had a way of restraining me. I was trapped, held in place as if by many firm hands.

  Something hot and wet pulled on my clit and I looked down to see the top of Jamar’s head. His tongue flicked against me and I was powerless to stop him. If slow and steady wins the race, he was a champion in his own right.

  His mouth savored me until I’d made a mess of things. Once I was on the edge, panting and begging he backed off until I was back in control of my body. Over and over he exchanged my control for his. His tongue never grew tired of caressing me and eventually, I was so under his spell that he never lost control. I had nothing more to give.

  He groaned and his hand spanked my ass throwing me into a fit of trembles. I swayed against the confines of the rope letting it control my movements. He sucked my clit hard and the pain blended into a reckless pleasure that took over so intensely that I screamed as tears streamed down my face.

  “Yours! Please, Jamar … Please!!!”

  “Come for me, baby girl.”

  He sucked while his fingers penetrated me. The new sensations took over and the orgasm washed over me. Tightness expanded over my body until I exploded. My chess heaved for air but another orgasm was building. The tightness wound quicker and seemed to come from a deeper place. My hands fisted as I tried to hold on but his mouth never wavered. The movement of the rope against my skin made it tingle. Another sensation pushing me towards the edge.

  “Oooh!” I howled as I succumbed once again.

  Jamar stood and kissed me, taking the bit of air that I’d mustered. He lifted my legs, raising me to ride his hips. He lowered me onto his erection, parting me to take all of him. When he was deeply seated, he moved in and out of me using my hips for leverage. He was thick and invasive. He felt fantastic! Having him inside of me ignited a bigger fire. I was slick and the more he moved, the easier my body accepted him. My eyes opened wide because each stroke seemed to push out more and more air making it difficult to breathe. I threw my head back, but it only arched me farther into his game of torment.

  “I knew you’d feel good but …” Jamar grumbled and then groaned. It felt damn good to make him speechless.

  I squeezed him inside of me and he hissed before moving faster. “Fuck!”

  He pulled my hips toward him harder and the echoing sounds of unbridled lust created a haven of eroticism that was irresistible. The way we fit together was almost too perfect. He pulled my hips down harder against his forcing me to take all of him. One of his hands made its way up to my breast where he sucked on my already hardened nipples. He pulled them between his fingers until the pleasure turned a bit painful. When he released it, the tingling burned into pleasure. Delicious.

  “Damned good girl you are,” Jamar praised.

  He moved to the other breast just as my eyes found that damn mirror again. I held my own eyes, locked and challenging me to look away. His hips moved into mine and the visual was breathtaking. My hair was a mess but only added to the sexual heat. Jamar had awakened something primal and I was so affected.

  I gripped his shaft tightly, possessing his body with mine. His contro
lled movements became frenzied, seeking relief in each pull. Monumental building of something bigger than I could fathom took hold. Though I stared at the mirror, I could no longer see. Things blended and my eyes became unclear. All I could do was feel.

  Spasms wrecked me. Tore at me. Clawed until I combusted in his arms. Jamar’s loud growl sent me into another set of tremors as he sought relief. It was the last thing I heard before passing out cold into a sea of emotion. Fears? None of those were present making Jamar a true man of his word. Mission accomplished.

  CH. 5

  Shelly

  I stretched out and pulled the blanket closer seeking comfort in its warmth. I moaned at the contrast of the coolness of the room and the heat that the blanket offered. Arms wrapped around me as Jamar nestled close. The temperature rose to unbearable conditions and I moved to free my feet, seeking the cooler air of the room.

  “Good morning, baby girl.”

  “Good morning, Daddy,” I murmured.

  He chuckled and kissed my shoulder. “Good girl.”

  We’d talked last night about my response to his pet names. I told him about my first relationship with a Daddy Dom and how much I loved it. Jamar had picked up on it when we’d met that night. He called me an unpunished brat and said that he’d have no problem tending to my needs.

  I liked the sound of that. I was allowed to call him Daddy if I saw fit. As you can tell, I was definitely on board with that.

  I rolled over onto my back and Jamar took it as a greenlight for more. I didn’t object to that either. Kissing lead to groping, then him inside of me, followed by screaming and achieved orgasms. A girl could get used to this. We ate a late breakfast before we started the drive back to Columbus.

  We walked into the room and saw Howard and Stevie sitting at the table. Howard was yelling at someone on the phone so I excused myself to shower again and to dress in some casual clothes. I pulled on my favorite geek t-shirt and sweats before pulling my hair into a tight ponytail. I walked into the room barefoot to see three very disturbed, but concentrating faces.

  “I thought you said he signed the papers,” Howard looked at Stevie.